I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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