I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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