The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
