FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
