Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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