idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
