I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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