This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
