Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
