For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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