we have officially lost it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You took a bar mat shot.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
