thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
