I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
