his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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