whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
