I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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