Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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