I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
