I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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