a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
