she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
