3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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