Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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