i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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