our cab driver is having phone sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
