I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
