any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
