I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
