we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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