i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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