You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
