We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
