I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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