im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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