i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
