do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
