how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
