I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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