Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
