I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
