He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
