omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
