I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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