You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
