Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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