what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
