Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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