He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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