Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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