Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
