Yo dont text me then not text me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
