Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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