She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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