i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
