Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
