quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
