My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
