I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My ATM looks so different sober.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
