I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
