I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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