I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
