i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Watching her eat just hurts me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
