In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
